joancrawfordsface: sissy Fuss: profile
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introduction
pigeon holes
Age: 28
Height: 6' 3" (190cm)
Ethnicity: White
Sexuality: Gay
Behaviour: Average
Out to: Everyone
Hair: Black
Body Type: Average
Body Hair: Hairy
Facial Hair: Stubble
Style: Alternative
Relationship: Single
Role: Versatile
about me
I wish I had a miniature…
karen carpenter
What kind of pet would you like to have?
an old black lady, 100 years old, all gums and disappearing eyes which i’d keep in a cot by my bed.
What celebrity do you wish would just go away?
jill dando
Who would you want to be with on a desert island?
mother theresa to stroke my brow, saint princess diana to brush my hair and michael jackson to moonwalk round me all day long
When the aliens arrive, I hope they bring…
madeleine home
I wish my cell phone had a…
vagina
When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
disabled
There’s something fishy about…
my mam, as she walks over me whilst i’m playing with lego
Is Britney over, or is the comeback just getting started?
she’s on fire
What’s your favorite type of cuisine?
easter eggs
If at first you don’t succeed…
failure may be your style
I think Global Warming is…
tooo slow
What expression do you really hate?
’no’
If you had an extra toe, what would you do with it?
pick the toenail off and eat it
Quick! Write a two line poem:
tattooed balls/pissed stained walls/shit for breath/ no brain in head
To err is…
to breathe in and out
Complete this sentence: Life is like a box of…
used hypodermic syringes and corpses hair
Paris or Nicole?
both. love the skanky skinny cunts
Excuse me while I…
read this biography of aileen wuornos
What makes you blush?
amputees
What’s your favorite charity?
ethiopians
The key to success is…
throwing away the key
What will your wedding band be made out of?
ann frank
I’m afraid of…
jack o lanterns
I collect…
neurotics
If I were pregnant, I’d probably crave…
a poundshop pregnancy test
What celebrity do people say you look like?
bette midler
If you were to discover that the roof was on fire, what would you do (for example, seek water)?
put petrol on my toes and turn up the telly full blast
What’s your earliest memory?
my mother pushing a man’s market stall down whilst casting racist slurs
When I’m elected, the first law I’ll pass…
4 holocausts
A more appropriate first name for me would be…
leeroy
What should your biography be titled?
i was born but
When faced with a problem, I…
go to a funeral
What’s the sexiest thing a member of the opposite sex can wear?
skin grafts
If you had to get a tattoo, what would it be?
jon benet ramsey
Though I try to hide it, I’m actually…
thick as pigshit
I feel at peace when…
the cashier hands me the glittering green box
I like my men/women how I like my…
coffee. bllack and bitter
When the world ends, I will be…
cumming
What was the best advice you ever received?
drop dead
What famous person, living or dead, would you like to interview?
maxine carr
What advice would you give your younger self?
it’s not all rose west and myra hindley, y’know
I wish I were a character in…
golden girls
Who would play you in a movie version of your life?
anna nicole
What music should they play at your funeral?
i like to move it move it
For the talent portion of the competition, I will…
wipe bogeys on your bathroom wall
I want my last meal to be…
shat into my mouth
If I lived in the year 1800, my profession would be…
wearing bean juice on teeshirts
I wish I had never seen…
daylight thru the meaty passage of my mother’s mousey minge
My philosophy is…
20 richmonds superking menthol
Who is your hero?
heather small
What movie could you watch over and over again?
petra von kant
I can’t believe I lost my…
lisa
keywords
blog: I don't believe in an interventionist god
posted by joancrawfordsface 2 months agobut my cute naive nigerian friend from writing class sure does.
look at this wonderful bespoke email she sent me. A PRAYER fashioned JUST FOR ME. AND YOU. AND YOU. ET TOI?
Heavenly Father, most Gracious and Loving God, I pray to you that you Abundantly bless My family and me. I know that you recognize, that a Family Is more than just a mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, Husband and wife, but all who believe and trust in You. Dear GOD, I send up a prayer request for Financial blessing for not only the Person who Sent this to me, but for me and all that I have Forwarded This message to. And that the power of joined prayer by Those who Believe and trust in you is More powerful than anything! I thank you in Advance for your blessings. God, deliver the person reading this right Now From debt and debt burdens. Release your Godly wisdom that I may be a Good steward over all that you have given me GOD, for I know how wonderful and mighty You are and how if we just obey you and walk In your word and have the faith of a Mustard Seed that you will pour out blessings. I thank you now Lord for the recent blessings I have Received and for the blessings yet to come, Because I know you are not done with me yet. In Jesus name Amen…
translation: hiya god i can’t afford many plantians cos i bought an orange dress off elephant and castle market. mario’s gonna beat me if his dinner’s not steaming. i go to the new wine church which is in the back of a shop (which is also a cafe and a hair and nail salon. and dentist) in woolwich every sunday and i like your book. it’s very good. i read it on the bus. and in bed. the bit about your son getting murdered by being stapled to planks of wood is very sad. it makes me cry. but i like the happy end when he comes back as a spook to that woman and them men. i like my mam dad husband, 13 kids and other people as well. i like everything. so please can i ahve some money and no more credit cards or fraud.
love your good friend JOY x
(keywords: joy has as much writing talent as black labradors have CHARM) (0 comments)gallery
